So...this is my first blog. Ever. Yeah I know, welcome to the 21st century DPLS. It's 3:47 in the morning, I'm listening to that Kanye song with Chris Martin on VH1 Soul right now. I just heard the line of my life, the line that drives me, that makes me get up every day..."reach for the stars so if you fall you land on the clouds". That part feeds my soul.
You know its funny - I must have performance anxiety. I'm here now and I can't seem to think of anything deep, significant, catchy or funny to say now that I finally have a legitimate place to put all my thoughts. Oh. Now a Trojan commercial is on. Hold on. I'll just turn to Lockup:Raw.
I'm devastating hungry, madly confused about my current state of affairs and like many of people my age, lost. I have a lot of baggage so blog, my dear blog, I guess this (and most other posts) will be a further expression of myself for myself, past the pink afro mohawk I so don't have (haha fooled ya there...you thought I had a pink afro mohawk).
What am I?
I am....
scared. Scared of what the future does and does not hold. Scared of uncertainty. Scared that I cannot figure out just what is wrong with me.
angry. Angry at the condition of blacks and the condition of women.
slightly racist. Against everyone - blacks, white, Latinos, everyone. Except Asians.
alone. Slightly. Maybe scratch that. In the familial setting, I am alone.
afraid. Afraid of the walls I have built up. Afraid of the walls I cannot take down. Afraid of these scars, all the scars I have..the ones I can and cannot see. The ones I have given to myself. The ones inflicted upon me by what I like to assume are equally unknowing people.
ever hopeful. Maybe its my youthful arrogance, but I just refuse to let my sprits be crushed. If that happens, whats the point of being alive? To suffer? I think not. The point of life is to conquer the world - your world. My world. To enjoy life, to be content. Self-satisfied. O if only I could find self-satifaction. If only I could find love.
loveless. I know that it's not me - too many females comment on the lack of decent males so I know that I'm not crazy in choosing to remain single despite what I want. I guess after starving for so long, I've realized that though I am ready for love, it won't happen for a while. Despite my best efforts (and my ensuing lack of effort to counteract anything I may have done...for I believe that if you wish and try to hard for something, it will forever elude you) it doesnt happen for me. In the end, nothing ever comes easily for me.
How long does this blog continue on for?
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